Friday, August 25, 2006

yesterdays meditation

Here is the daily meditation.
What do you have to do? Pack your bags, Go to the station without them, Catch the train, And leave your self behind. - Open Secret by Wei Wu Wei

I am thinking. The bags I pack are all those things to which I hold onto and which hold me back. The past injustices, the present problems, and the future fears. I put them all in a place of no worry to work through if needed not forgetting them but... (interruption of the morning, train of thought lost). The baggage as it were we carry around. dragging. Drop the Rock as some would say. Leave those things behind that which we no longer need. We can let those things go, it is up to us if we want to pick them up again. To make it to the station without them requires self examination and the release of self loathing, release also of the ego. The two may be connected self loathing and ego. my ego is fragile and bruised not because of anything other then my choice of how I react to situations and others and myself.
When the train comes by I must be ready to catch it. If I still have all of that baggage, all of those fears and pains I really will not be able to ride into the future as my authentic self. I will be riding to the same destinations I have been at before unable to really continue down the line to a new and brighter happy destiny. Those things in the past and fears of the future will prevent the growth needed to get to another place. Can I ride that train as well without the need and want to get off and stop and wait? Can I focus on the beauty of the journey instead of the hope of the destination. I can. Thinking now. I need to eliminate the word try again. "There is do and there is do not, there is no try." - Yoda
The self. (interruption again...) leaving the self behind. Going out into the world on a grand adventure. Going out and explore who it is I am to become. No ego, no fear, no worries, alone yet not alone at all. Alone - why does that scare me so? Alone. Not alone in that I have friends, good friends who touch my life and hold my hand when needed. Not alone in I could have a lover, but alone in that I do not have a lover. This I need to explore I think. I look to the other to make me whole. When the other does not fulfill this in me I am not complete. I know that I do not need another to complete me and that I am whole and complete but then again think if only I had a warm body to lay against at night, If I had a companion to grace my journey. But would my journey change with the presence of another and can that other and myself journey together as one but two walk our own paths? Interesting here in that I think somehow my reasoning is flawed. something just slightly out of balance and kilter with this process. But I digress...I have been thinking that to be like the one they call Cain I would have to go out into the world in remote lands and places not known. I can be like Cain and walk my daily walk right here and now. Reminded of ...(interruption) It was profound but now it is gone.

1 comment:

Cello Girl said...

I get the same daily meditations on my Google page, and I really liked yesterday's. Maybe think of this time as a chance to really get in touch with your true self again that might have gotten lost along the way. Once you have reignited that person and are in tune to him, then maybe someone will come along...not to make you whole because you have to be whole in yourself first...but someone will come along who will compliment you and fit the person you truly are...just a thought...