Thursday, October 26, 2006

It is the way it is

Well. I would hate to say I am depressed but I am. I would hate to say I am mourning but I am. I would hate to say my entire spirit has been squashed and dried and wiped clean out but it has. And here I sit unable to even really do anything except be. I had to go get some yogurt as it is the only real sweet thing I allow myself to have any longer and I crave the comfort that only a pint of Ben and Jerry's Kitchen Sink can bring. How I long for the taste of sweet chocolate ice cream mixed with brownies and chocolate chip cookie dough. How I long for the comfort this old friend holds.
I am now 39. Not that it is a big deal age wise but I find myself asking where I am at...granted the course my life has taken is not what I planned. All of it in fact is different then I expected at this point. Surely I knew a long time ago I would not be alive to see this day. So alive and thinking and free, fit in most aspects of life it is fantastic. Mourning the loses of what I had and mourning the things I do not have again and perhaps never will again. Mourning a love I will never know.

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