Once again... I am he as you are he as you are me and we are all together. - The Beatles
All together. Separate. It is difficult at times to be. To be with others. To be a part of. existing for so long as apart from. Never wanting to really be with others part of a group. always pleasant to be part of something. To be involved in the background of something greater then just the one but still separate and alone in the group. That separation did not seem to effect as there was always a place to go to be. A place of comfort and retreat. The fortress of solitude. Why do we have a fortress of solitude? What purpose served? Why out of balance was the fortress of solitude in my head and of my own making? To dwell in that place. That place of being alone. Preferred. But living in a world with others. Change. Do something different. Reach out and take part. Interacting with others in a meaningful way. Become, with others.
Yesterday a feeling on loneliness. Being with others can not fill that place even. Being and sharing and becoming with others and still lonely. It is internal. Would say uncomfortable with the self and thus so with others too. But feeling unfulfilled within. It is a longing. I really can't describe it. It is not mopey. It is not sorry for the self or less then. It is not a rain cloud over head. It is like standing on the edge of the Grand Canyon, it is like sitting on a warm stone next to a pool of flowing water with the dappled sunlight through the trees and knowing. Not alone, that is not the thing. It is just lonely. It does not go away that feeling. It does lessen. The loneliness is dissipated and accepted but there.