What do you have to do? Pack your bags, Go to the station without them, Catch the train, And leave your self behind. - Open Secret by Wei Wu Wei
We have repetition again. This is not a bad thing. Learning lessons. Once then again. and again. and again.
Did I relate the picking up of a lesson? Walking along (backward of course) at our feet we stumble across a stone. We pick up the stone. We examine the stone. We carry the stone with us for a while. We choose to drop the stone. We either drop it at our feet and continue walking. Or we throw the stone over our shoulder to be found again in the future. If we learn all we need from that stone we do not have to pick it up again. One can continue to pick up the same stone throughout their life if they do not want to learn all it is that stone has to teach.
It is said there are 16 lessons a person is to learn in their lifetime. One idea of returning to this place is that those lessons were not learned and need to be gone over again. Doing the same thing over and over expecting different results. Repeating past behaviors and not changing present reactions/actions and outcomes.
It is like in glassblowing It is the same process over and over. Make the same mistake over and over. Unwilling to try something different not from fear or non-skill but from not knowing there is another way to go about it. There is you know. A different way. A way not known for us, different then we were trained and learned and know. A way that will lead to places unknown and there in lies the fear. A way that will allow us to be free and happy and joyous. A way that may not be better but is different. May lead to the same place or a whole new one. A way that may be worse, or may be better we know not. "If I knew the way, I would take you home." "That path is for your steps alone"
And such is it as. That desire to remove myself from this place. To go out into the world and have and just be and do. Why go away for this to occur. I think Gertrude Stein said something about never having to leave a place to see the world. She also would sit with her back to the window for not looking out. I think looking in was her way. Those things that flowed from her were the world seen and unseen and the world a reflection of being. All the people influenced by life and love and dreams and writing and art and being, and coffee, and buttons, and the weave of good cloth. What that has to do with anything I know not.
Ready for a nice evening upon the town. Suit pressed. Shoes not shined.
Peace. Remember all who wander are not lost.