Saturday, October 28, 2006

Daily Meditation

Thousands of candles can be lit from a single candle, and the life of the candle will not be shortened. Happiness never decreases by being shared. - Buddha
Happiness shared is the greatest gift. I wish I was more full of happiness. I thank and praise all those good people who have brought to me the lights of their candles over past few days, weeks and months. Thank you for lighting my candle once again over and over as it has blown out upon the winds of dispair. Thank you for giving to me gifts which can never be repaid except also with friendship and kindness.

Friday, October 27, 2006

Daily Meditation Friday the 27th

The purpose of a fish trap is to catch fish, and when the fish are caught, the trap is forgotten. The purpose of a rabbit snare is to catch rabbits. When the rabbits are caught, the snare is forgotten. The purpose of words is to convey ideas. When the ideas are grasped, the words are forgotten. Where can I find a man who has forgotten words? He is the one I would like to talk to. -Chuang Tzu
Forgetting the words. It is the idea. It is the essence. Words change with time. Meanings of words change with the man. It is the idea of constructs and perceptions again and each has his and walking into the relationship of things and man those words as constructs corrupt the true conveyance of the message.
And so it is. Wrapped up in words we cloth ourselves in layers of words. Words to protect us and keep us safe and comfortable. We dress up in words to show the world a better side to ourselves. We present our words as we want to be seen not as we truly are. Even then the words that build up or tear down are not who we are but ways to get what we want. We protect ourselves with our words. We protect our hearts and minds and beliefs with our words. Soft and tender like the petal, sharp and pointed as the thorn. eventually dried and brittle tucked away or pressed in a book our words become. Always lingering in the air. Woven into the strands of life, a waft of words.
Seemly full of very bad analogies today am I.

Thursday, October 26, 2006

It is the way it is

Well. I would hate to say I am depressed but I am. I would hate to say I am mourning but I am. I would hate to say my entire spirit has been squashed and dried and wiped clean out but it has. And here I sit unable to even really do anything except be. I had to go get some yogurt as it is the only real sweet thing I allow myself to have any longer and I crave the comfort that only a pint of Ben and Jerry's Kitchen Sink can bring. How I long for the taste of sweet chocolate ice cream mixed with brownies and chocolate chip cookie dough. How I long for the comfort this old friend holds.
I am now 39. Not that it is a big deal age wise but I find myself asking where I am at...granted the course my life has taken is not what I planned. All of it in fact is different then I expected at this point. Surely I knew a long time ago I would not be alive to see this day. So alive and thinking and free, fit in most aspects of life it is fantastic. Mourning the loses of what I had and mourning the things I do not have again and perhaps never will again. Mourning a love I will never know.

Daily Meditation:

The seeing of Truth cannot be dualistic (a 'thing' seen). It cannot be seen by a see-er, or via a see-er. There can only be a seeing which itself is Truth. 'All Else is Bondage; Non-Volitional Living' - Wei Wu Wei
Seeing dualism. by my understanding when we see a thing we take in that thing with preconceive notions. What it is what it means what it does what it looks like its actions and reactions. We see this thing with constructs in our mind of the way it is or the way it should be and therefore we do not really see the thing any longer as it truly is but as we want to see it. This happens with objects and with peoples I think. We begin to see others based on perceptions and interactions and we apply interactions with others in situations. So where as we do not really know a person we see them as we want to see them and color all interactions with them according to not that person but to others. So we see these things and we are not really seeing them. They are there but our mind has already made them into an object. We must begin to see with different eyes. Wondering too now if we also view ourselves in this manner. That which I truly am I do not know. I have become something other then how I know myself and the self that I know and the self I present to the world are two different selves and the self that is the self in spirit is not the self that is the self in the world and the self that is the self with others is not the self that is the self with other others. and so the one true self that is who we are all of us as one has not existed in a very long time and that true one self is the self now being sought for life and living and love. the authentic self.
Consumed today by other thoughts so it is a bit short...

Wednesday, October 25, 2006

Daily Meditation:

From there to here, from here to there, funny things are everywhere... If you never did, you should. These things are fun and fun is good. - Dr. Seuss, One Fish two fish red fish blue fish, 1960
Fun is good. Rarely partake in the fun have I. "moments of levity actually cause him pain; give him headaches. Happiness, for that gentleman, hurts" - garland greene.
Why do we continue to deny ourselves? Why block out those things which bring forth light and love? Why wallow in the muck and mire of our minds?
Mind filled with much today. Know that I am human. Know I make mistakes. Know I am cruel and malicious. Know I really do not know how to have a relationship with my fellow man. Know I am full of self and selfish motivation. Know I am really just not very nice and only present myself in that way to the outside world.
Know now that I am changing. Striving to make changes in my life and in my heart and in my being. Know that I am seeking the light. Seeking the love. Seeking to transmogrify. Seeking. Ah yes, recall the words from the Prayer of St. Francis seek to love rather then be loved. My buddy James really enjoys that prayer and lives his life in accordance with it. Spiritual kindergarten. Baby steps. One day at a time... and the like.
And so the pain I have caused myself compares like nothing to the pain I have caused others. The empty twisting of my gut and the festering sores on my soul are but a fraction of the pain delivered to others by my vicious nature. Certainly not an excuse for my behavior. There is no excuse. Just absurdity of the self. And so once again I must let this go or be destroyed. Scrap off this layer of pain and repair the damage before it has time to set and can then never be forgiven.

Tuesday, October 24, 2006

Daily Meditation for Tuesday

Live your life in happiness, even though those around you lead lives which are unhealthy, and wish to spread their illness to you. Be Happiness itself. - Buddha
Happiness once again. Be happiness. I do hope I am not one who is unhealthy and spreading malaise to others. Somehow I suspect that to be true at times. My soul sickness is destructive and corrosive and attributes to suffering of others in contact with me. But know that I am also striving toward healing and blessing. In this way of healing I will be ready to help and assist my fellows. To those who have endured my non-happiness over the past few months I do apologize for the pain and suffering to which I have contributed. I do not think people will to spread the illness of this sort to others. Granted they say misery loves company. Are those in misery attracted to the like or does that misery get transferred over time and the misery of one effects the lives of everyone else. Just the same then is true for if we live in happiness and light that is transferred over into the lives of all those we touch. So let it be known and I hereby declare I am living for light and love and happiness. I am seeking peace within my heart and seeking peace from my surrounds and the universe. I am walking in happiness and light today and everyday. The glum ejore is no longer. Light and love. Peace and Happiness.

Monday, October 23, 2006

Daily Meditation...

Thinking now on many things. The daily meditation online refers to practice of any principles leads to a place of understanding. I know this is true it is in practice that we develop relationships. without doing relationships are strained. Action must be taken at least on occasion to maintain a contact or not. That is when we do not actively make contact with the spirit it is easier and easier to not make contact. In not making contact it is easier and easier to not act. Slowly we forget to make contact and just let it linger by the wayside and then we begin to wither spiritually and we are not even aware we are not in contact any longer.
Comparison today is like that of stripping varnish and layers off furniture. I am thinking that all the feelings, all the emotions, all the thoughts, all the actions, all the results build up over time. Painting in colors and clears. Layering the events of our lives upon our psyche. Sixth grade break-ups, Senior prom, college, life, love, leaving, pain, fears, joy all our events adding up. Creating a work of art and beauty, creating us as we are today and who we will become. Each contact a new layer, each experience even creating a new color. Sometimes the surface cracks and weathers and we cover over the cracks and chips not taking the time to fill them with putty and heal them with loving care.
Thinking now it may be time to begin stripping off those layers. Strip the experiences not from memory and time and who we are but strip them from our psyche. Strip them in order to approach a new beginning. Strip to the bare wood of our souls and begin fresh within ourselves. Time and care to remove the preconceived, to remove the pain, to remove the prejudice, to remove those things which hold us back.
*Reminding me now... In love, in a relationship - do you give all of yourself? Do you give all of yourself and more? If you give all of yourself and more, what is the more and from where does it come? (discuss...)*
Wondering what the bare wood of my soul will even look like. Wondering if this metaphor (analogy?) is even appropriate or apt for this situation. Wondering. I am adding new layers before I have even cleaned up the last. Maybe in adding these layers I am healing also those from the past.