How sad it is, I have been playing a part in a tragedy over the past few little whiles instead of playing in a comedy. Time to shift the focus. I am me. I am not a role. I am the whole of me always. Different situations call for different assets and aspects to be pronounced but it is still the whole of me in that situation. of course not knowing the self it is difficult to be. So the role is what we think others want us to be. Acting the way others expect us to act. Doing what we think society desires. Conforming to a ideal that can really never be achieved or assimilated into who it is we are. Yet, forced to behave in socially accepted ways. It can not be done. It is so very against my nature. Try as I might I fail.
Friday, November 10, 2006
Thursday, November 09, 2006
Destroy 'the ego', hound it, beat it, snub it, tell it where it gets off? Great fun, no doubt, but where is it? Must you not find it first? Isn't there a word about catching your goose before you can cook it? The great difficulty here is that there isn't one. - 'Posthumous Pieces' by Wei Wu Wei
There is no ego? There is no ego. There is us. Just us. The whole of who we are. There is no separation within ourselves of the Id, Ego, or SuperEgo. There is not diversion. There is our thoughts, feelings, actions, reactions. We are who we are. All else is mute. arguments and oppositions, didacticism and Socratic philosophies aside, we are simply us. And so it is thus that the struggle over the past few months has been for naught. Battling an ego that does not exist. Fighting against a nature. Fighting an enemy that is not really there. Doing battle in an arena where the only one to show is the self and the self locked to eliminate the self. A mirror image of the self locked swords. a vision of the Colosseum in Rome. Alone among all the seat. Standing in the dust. drawn and ready, heavy of breath and heavy in armor. waiting for the release of the lions. waiting for the arrival of a foe. Waiting for the arrival of the king and court and citizens ready to witness a battle. But alas always and forever alone even there where others are meant to be.
And so. like the dog chasing the tail. Round and round. round and round. Thank you for a real good time. The illusion of the self. illusion of the ego. It is fun. It gives us something to do. It allows us a diversion. We do not have to really change. We do not have to grow. We do not have to be any different then we ever have been. Why would we want too? Can we really make a change? Fundementally, at our base, is it possible to change who we are? Do we accept who and what we are, accept our true nature? We go on. We make progress and change in areas about ourselves. We do thinks differently today. We think before acting. We seek counsel before acting. We pray before acting. We seek. And now these things are different within us so our actions are different. But as we are differnet in aspects of ourselves are we really different at our core? Is my authentic self the same or has it evolved and grown or devolved and withered?
Wednesday, November 08, 2006
On the phenomenal plane we seek pleasure and the avoidance of pain. On the noumenal plane we know the absence of both - which is Bliss. - Why Lazurus Laughed by Wei Wu Wei
Phenomenal and Noumenal. Best I can tell is this is the physical and the spiritual. Existence in the physical world leads to living in that world and the seeking of. We seek out that which brings us pleasure. We seek out that which brings us pain. There is imbalance in seeking pleasure. It feels good. We want to repeat that feeling. Feeling good all the time. Seeking to repeat to hold onto that feeling. Seeking to remain in that start of feeling good. In avoiding pain we gain pleasure. But it seems that pain somehow feels good. Reminds us we are alive. The pain is like a touchstone. It is a way to keep in check too much feel good. Why do I seek out pain? why do I continue to put myself into situations where the outcome is only going to be painful. Growth comes from pain. The greatest touchstone to spiritual progress is pain. So that pleasure and pain, the human condition is based upon the mingling to the two. If only pleasure were sought. If only pain were sought. How can we eliminate the pain in our lives? How can we only nurture the positive and the caring and the love?
So on the noumenal we are freed from the seeking of either or both. We are no longer concerned by the way of the world and the pleasure/pain it brings about. It is this evolution to a higher state in that way that allows us to be free from the constraints of the world. It is in this freedom we long to stay.
Tuesday, November 07, 2006
Live your life in happiness, owning nothing. Feed on happiness like lustrous gods. Be Happiness Itself. (Happiness, v200)
When we possess things are we gaining happiness? When we buy it feels good. I earned money, I worked diligently, I am worthy. I am entitled to buy something nice for myself, something I desire. Just as easy as it comes it also goes. I do have a beautiful new shirt hanging in my closet. It was worth the investment. It is a very handsome shirt. What did I give up for that shirt? What did I give up this morning and every morning for the past few years for that morning cuppa joe? What did I gain? On the morning cup of coffee there is more then coffee. It is conversation, friendships, connections. With the beautiful shirt there is self esteem in looking good, confidence in who I am. Now why should a shirt impart those things to the wearer, besides the fact of being a magic shirt woven by the handmaidens of Merlin.
Oh yes, and so. It once would be the monks would own nothing. Pursuit of the higher. Pursuit of the relationship with the spirit was the only thing. The monk would take his bowl and stand, if it were filled with rice by passers by he would eat. If it were empty he would not eat.
Looking on this day. Happiness is from within. Delving within. go past the pain. go past the fear. go past the daily. go past self. go past preconceived notions. go past the material. go past the constraints. go past lessons of the past. go past the (what are those things given to us by others?) those things. go past the ego. go past the instincts. go past the core. Sit with the one.
Feed on happiness. What was the most delicious meal to which you have sat to dine upon? Remember that feeling of pleasure? Pure goodness lain before us as bountiful feast. The food, the company, the smells, the sounds, the presence of spirit permeating the space. A higher place. Devouring happiness. consuming happiness to nurture the body and soul as good food also does. feast upon the marrow of life. The marrow. sucking the marrow from the bones. It is decadent. It is a flavor unlike any other. It is pure and good. It fills and body and soul. I long for that once again. I long for the purity. The connection. The comfort. The one.
Monday, November 06, 2006
The only real service we can render to that which we perceive and interpret in phenomenal existence as 'others' is by awakening to universal consciousness ourselves. - Ask the Awakened by Wei Wu Wei
In walking with others it is a true delight to see the spirit move through them and in them and the way it touches their lives and the lives of those who they come in contact. It is a wonderment to witness. It is difficult to let go and be free. I can see this in others and I would like it in my life. I would like to have that spirit coming in and working and awareness and openness to this spirit. How does one prepare for the journey? How does one remain open to the spirit? How does one walk in the spirit in every day in every way?
More to come...