Wondering. I am an advocate of getting help. Asking for help, very difficult. Process the workings of the mind with one who is experienced and trained in the workings of the mind. Self delusion and deception. The lies I tell my self. I can not expose them as a lie in my head for I formed them as truth based upon inadequate foundations of perceptions of reality. The lie is exposed when discussed with another. Learning now how to put aside the lie and the fear and approach that which needs to be changed.
Thinking lately about guides, mentors, teachers, the sage. Those who have gone on before us and know the experiences of their path and the lessons learned and the challenges forged. Yes different paths but common roads.