feelings

Really not sure where to begin. Having this feeling of excitement freedom I don't know there's this level of immediate Bond and very interesting. I don't know why I'm at and really what I should be doing. I can't figure it out you don't have to figure it out

obseiion of the mind

So it really didn't take long for that full obsession of the mind to kick in. And that is a such an odd thing it just permeates. I really don't know how to release that obsession to function without it it's not a relationship when that happens. I've got to let go of that fantasy in my mind just like letting go of the fear in my mind.

sad

That is a very strange feeling. I'm not sure what it's about but I really gotten used to a good night text and it's only been a week and so that's sadness of not getting one reminds me that it's only been a week and. It's like a strange anticipation and not rejection not but there was a comfort in receiving that. And no blame no no but in my less than am I not worthy no I just didn't get a text to say good night. That's really okay. More normal. There's no meaning by not getting it. Just really is there's no meaning to getting one.

all in

I wonder what it is that brings me to simply going all in it is an overwhelming response. I don't know if this is a special connection I don't know if this is a thing I don't know why I don't know where the origin is the blue light whatever it may be. But I know that at this point I feel like I've gone all in. I don't know if caution the fear of getting hurt the twinges of being alone. Finally a connection a strong beautiful connection. And maybe I'm reading too much into it maybe I'm imagining too much maybe I'm hoping too much. And for some reason I think that seems okay.

board

They do not pay me enough to put up with that stuff.

Crazy hyper conservative people permeate. Welding perceived  power. Society must not give them that power or cave to a demand based in senseless self angrizedment

nerves

The feeling of new. Pursuit. Care. Wonder how silly I am/look. That does not matter. Being self.

breakfast

I do enjoy breakfast out. School does not allow it except for the weekend. I am a eggs and sausage type, maybe an omelette, mutelanos when possible. There are some great breakfast places during the week. I need to find a good pattern in rotation. 

You know how everyone compares to the opening of the self to catapiller/butterfly, I think now it will be the opening of the self after the pandemic. Locked away for a year, ready to enter the sunlight if a new day, a new you.