expectation

So in the expectation what what did I think was going to happen versus what's going to happen versus what did happen. So what is the difference in want and desire and expectation. Yeah I know what I wanted and it's certainly not going to be what happened and I knew that that wouldn't be what was going to happen but somewhere in my mind I was really hoping that would happen. So it's sort of like being stuck setting myself up for disappointment and Sawyer and loneliness.

I don't know what we are and I don't know if hope we are warrants the investment of time and energy 2 see what happens next

Once again I wonder if I'm actually the right one did I withdrawal because of me that I withdraw because of her trying to protect myself bored I don't know what what I'm not sure and then that before to reconcile how do I not go back to that attitude life

It seems like a which came first did I get into that way of being to Xscape I don't know the purpose why YB so closed how do you not go back into that state how do you remain open overtime

maintaining nance

So I'm really wondering if we've gotten to a place of maintenance so this place in their relationship where it's just good we talk we have dinner but it's like a just a friendship I'm not sure what it's a a nod there is love there but there's not any commitment or dap's maybe I don't know what the right word is getting together once a week for dinner and I mow the lawn I don't know that that's sustainable either but is it building or is it fading does it matter in some ways it feels like I'm forcing it's something to be there I don't know it's strange