Daily Meditation for Monday:

Many thanks to family and friends who expressed and thought about that day. It was most pleasant. Thank you each and everyone.

Daily Meditation for Monday:

The online meditation was once again lacking...

Thinking today again of the varnish on our souls and psyches. Thinking of releasing the baggage, of not even picking up new baggage on our journeys. letting go. I like the varnish analogy. The idea of carrying baggage works. It is a seeable thing. It makes itself known on many levels. The idea of the varnish for me is more integrated. It is a covering. it is an application. it has substance. Where as our baggage is not really a part of us, the varnish that we have applied over time is a part of who we are.

Why do we get baggage as a graduation present? That is really a strange thing to give is it not? Why add to the baggage of the individual and say it is a gift when it is really a burden.

On coffee...

Coffee has come to mean more then coffee. It is a time to gather with friends and family. To sit and talk and share. Morning coffee is the crystallization of the dream of the day. All the things that are to be come together at coffee in the morning. Dictating the desires for the day. By mid afternoon the coffee is in and of itself a consuming. A french press full of black goodness. Throughout the evening blowing glass and drinking in the warmth and glow. Like the creative juices flowing forth. Wrap up the day once again at the coffee shop when possible. The best way to end the day would be a Cafe Con Panna. An all night coffee joint is in good order.

Thinking about people getting older. The friends of my folks are aging too. They are watching friends and relatives reach the end of their time on this earth. Mortality is creeping up. It must be a terrifying prospect.

Daily Meditation

Thousands of candles can be lit from a single candle, and the life of the candle will not be shortened. Happiness never decreases by being shared. - Buddha
Happiness shared is the greatest gift. I wish I was more full of happiness. I thank and praise all those good people who have brought to me the lights of their candles over past few days, weeks and months. Thank you for lighting my candle once again over and over as it has blown out upon the winds of dispair. Thank you for giving to me gifts which can never be repaid except also with friendship and kindness.

Daily Meditation Friday the 27th

The purpose of a fish trap is to catch fish, and when the fish are caught, the trap is forgotten. The purpose of a rabbit snare is to catch rabbits. When the rabbits are caught, the snare is forgotten. The purpose of words is to convey ideas. When the ideas are grasped, the words are forgotten. Where can I find a man who has forgotten words? He is the one I would like to talk to. -Chuang Tzu

Forgetting the words. It is the idea. It is the essence. Words change with time. Meanings of words change with the man. It is the idea of constructs and perceptions again and each has his and walking into the relationship of things and man those words as constructs corrupt the true conveyance of the message.

And so it is. Wrapped up in words we cloth ourselves in layers of words. Words to protect us and keep us safe and comfortable. We dress up in words to show the world a better side to ourselves. We present our words as we want to be seen not as we truly are. Even then the words that build up or tear down are not who we are but ways to get what we want. We protect ourselves with our words. We protect our hearts and minds and beliefs with our words. Soft and tender like the petal, sharp and pointed as the thorn. eventually dried and brittle tucked away or pressed in a book our words become. Always lingering in the air. Woven into the strands of life, a waft of words.

Seemly full of very bad analogies today am I.

It is the way it is

Well. I would hate to say I am depressed but I am. I would hate to say I am mourning but I am. I would hate to say my entire spirit has been squashed and dried and wiped clean out but it has. And here I sit unable to even really do anything except be. I had to go get some yogurt as it is the only real sweet thing I allow myself to have any longer and I crave the comfort that only a pint of Ben and Jerry's Kitchen Sink can bring. How I long for the taste of sweet chocolate ice cream mixed with brownies and chocolate chip cookie dough. How I long for the comfort this old friend holds.
I am now 39. Not that it is a big deal age wise but I find myself asking where I am at...granted the course my life has taken is not what I planned. All of it in fact is different then I expected at this point. Surely I knew a long time ago I would not be alive to see this day. So alive and thinking and free, fit in most aspects of life it is fantastic. Mourning the loses of what I had and mourning the things I do not have again and perhaps never will again. Mourning a love I will never know.
Peace.

Daily Meditation:

The seeing of Truth cannot be dualistic (a 'thing' seen). It cannot be seen by a see-er, or via a see-er. There can only be a seeing which itself is Truth. 'All Else is Bondage; Non-Volitional Living' - Wei Wu Wei

Seeing dualism. by my understanding when we see a thing we take in that thing with preconceive notions. What it is what it means what it does what it looks like its actions and reactions. We see this thing with constructs in our mind of the way it is or the way it should be and therefore we do not really see the thing any longer as it truly is but as we want to see it. This happens with objects and with peoples I think. We begin to see others based on perceptions and interactions and we apply interactions with others in situations. So where as we do not really know a person we see them as we want to see them and color all interactions with them according to not that person but to others. So we see these things and we are not really seeing them. They are there but our mind has already made them into an object. We must begin to see with different eyes. Wondering too now if we also view ourselves in this manner. That which I truly am I do not know. I have become something other then how I know myself and the self that I know and the self I present to the world are two different selves and the self that is the self in spirit is not the self that is the self in the world and the self that is the self with others is not the self that is the self with other others. and so the one true self that is who we are all of us as one has not existed in a very long time and that true one self is the self now being sought for life and living and love. the authentic self.

Consumed today by other thoughts so it is a bit short...

Daily Meditation:

From there to here, from here to there, funny things are everywhere... If you never did, you should. These things are fun and fun is good. - Dr. Seuss, One Fish two fish red fish blue fish, 1960

Fun is good. Rarely partake in the fun have I. "moments of levity actually cause him pain; give him headaches. Happiness, for that gentleman, hurts" - garland greene.

Why do we continue to deny ourselves? Why block out those things which bring forth light and love? Why wallow in the muck and mire of our minds?

Mind filled with much today. Know that I am human. Know I make mistakes. Know I am cruel and malicious. Know I really do not know how to have a relationship with my fellow man. Know I am full of self and selfish motivation. Know I am really just not very nice and only present myself in that way to the outside world.

Know now that I am changing. Striving to make changes in my life and in my heart and in my being. Know that I am seeking the light. Seeking the love. Seeking to transmogrify. Seeking. Ah yes, recall the words from the Prayer of St. Francis seek to love rather then be loved. My buddy James really enjoys that prayer and lives his life in accordance with it. Spiritual kindergarten. Baby steps. One day at a time... and the like.

And so the pain I have caused myself compares like nothing to the pain I have caused others. The empty twisting of my gut and the festering sores on my soul are but a fraction of the pain delivered to others by my vicious nature. Certainly not an excuse for my behavior. There is no excuse. Just absurdity of the self. And so once again I must let this go or be destroyed. Scrap off this layer of pain and repair the damage before it has time to set and can then never be forgiven.

Daily Meditation for Tuesday

Live your life in happiness, even though those around you lead lives which are unhealthy, and wish to spread their illness to you. Be Happiness itself. - Buddha

Happiness once again. Be happiness. I do hope I am not one who is unhealthy and spreading malaise to others. Somehow I suspect that to be true at times. My soul sickness is destructive and corrosive and attributes to suffering of others in contact with me. But know that I am also striving toward healing and blessing. In this way of healing I will be ready to help and assist my fellows. To those who have endured my non-happiness over the past few months I do apologize for the pain and suffering to which I have contributed. I do not think people will to spread the illness of this sort to others. Granted they say misery loves company. Are those in misery attracted to the like or does that misery get transferred over time and the misery of one effects the lives of everyone else. Just the same then is true for if we live in happiness and light that is transferred over into the lives of all those we touch. So let it be known and I hereby declare I am living for light and love and happiness. I am seeking peace within my heart and seeking peace from my surrounds and the universe. I am walking in happiness and light today and everyday. The glum ejore is no longer. Light and love. Peace and Happiness.

Daily Meditation...

Thinking now on many things. The daily meditation online refers to practice of any principles leads to a place of understanding. I know this is true it is in practice that we develop relationships. without doing relationships are strained. Action must be taken at least on occasion to maintain a contact or not. That is when we do not actively make contact with the spirit it is easier and easier to not make contact. In not making contact it is easier and easier to not act. Slowly we forget to make contact and just let it linger by the wayside and then we begin to wither spiritually and we are not even aware we are not in contact any longer.

Comparison today is like that of stripping varnish and layers off furniture. I am thinking that all the feelings, all the emotions, all the thoughts, all the actions, all the results build up over time. Painting in colors and clears. Layering the events of our lives upon our psyche. Sixth grade break-ups, Senior prom, college, life, love, leaving, pain, fears, joy all our events adding up. Creating a work of art and beauty, creating us as we are today and who we will become. Each contact a new layer, each experience even creating a new color. Sometimes the surface cracks and weathers and we cover over the cracks and chips not taking the time to fill them with putty and heal them with loving care.

Thinking now it may be time to begin stripping off those layers. Strip the experiences not from memory and time and who we are but strip them from our psyche. Strip them in order to approach a new beginning. Strip to the bare wood of our souls and begin fresh within ourselves. Time and care to remove the preconceived, to remove the pain, to remove the prejudice, to remove those things which hold us back.

*Reminding me now... In love, in a relationship - do you give all of yourself? Do you give all of yourself and more? If you give all of yourself and more, what is the more and from where does it come? (discuss...)*

Wondering what the bare wood of my soul will even look like. Wondering if this metaphor (analogy?) is even appropriate or apt for this situation. Wondering. I am adding new layers before I have even cleaned up the last. Maybe in adding these layers I am healing also those from the past.

daily meditation

I will be out of town for few days. Check back soon if you are a regular reader.

Daily:
To gain that worth having, it may be necessary to lose everything else. - Bernadette Devlin
I was told you must be willing to give up the thing you love the most. What is that thing you love the most? me
Nearly impossible to do it seems.
Peace.

Daily Meditation for Tuesday:

It is fairly obvious that most of us are confused intellectually. We see that the so-called leaders in all departments of life have no complete answer to our various questions and problems. - J. Krishnamurti

I think this is my problem. I am confused. I think one thing one day and the next I have changed and think another thing. It is not that I am lying, or being deceitful, or even manipulative. It is just that new and different things have occurred and what I once thought no longer is complete and new different thoughts and attitudes have come into play. So whereas once even a few days ago something was the way it was that has since changed with me. So do please forgive me if what I have said in the past no longer is reflected in my present actions and thoughts. Hopefully it is progression instead of digression, however any movement today seems better then the stuckness of the past.

I need to move forward today. Take the next step. Do the next right thing. Creating lists. Where do you want to go? Who do you want to be? What next? Needs? Wants? Desires? Expectations? For the Self? For the Other? From the Other? Willingness to change, willingness to become. Long ago the Phoenix. Rising from the ashes. The Phoenix a symbol of transformation. Burning the old self on the pyre giving rise to a new self. Once again. Transformation and regeneration. First thought today of the Phoenix. Not considered before a complete destruction of the self. Ego to strong and entrenched to allow a destruction. Ego to fragile to allow the self to be free. Transformation. Change. Rebirth. Where is the pyre? Where is the fire? Where is the catalyst? Bring forth. Symbology of change. Acts. What act is required to manifest the knowledge of change. What can be done to show to the world to the self that change has taken place. Ritual. Necessary. an act. a ceremony. We have not ceremony any longer? Create your own ceremony.

What do we manifest? Be open to possibility.

There is no one with complete answers. Just a glimpse, an idea. What has worked in the past, what may work. Factors unseen and unknown make it impossible to know and to act in full certainty. Our problems personally only answered through dedication and perseverance. Wanting and seeking the truth and acceptance of the answers when they come. Learning to act today in the right direction. It is possible to change. When we look toward others for the answers within ourselves we will never find the answer. We must look within. We can seek guidance and hear what others say but must know in the end it is us and only us with our relationship with the spirit with the answer.

Daily Meditation:

The online quote was not too good so I'll wing it.

On Possibilities - Life set forth on a path. Wandering through. Stopping now again to take in the wonders. Diverting now and again. Our old friend Cricket was fond of taking the scenic route as it were.

In walking through life picture walking backward. All of life we know and have experienced we can see. We are walking backward into the future because we can not see the future but on occasion we glance over our shoulders to gain of glimpse of what is to come. In walking backwards we see our lives.

Oh yes, the possibilities. They spread before us unseen. The What If's of the multiple universe theory. The possibilities that were once not possible to pursue are now possible. All the paths that once were closed and given no consideration can be considered and are lit brightly. Looking out into the past decisions made result. Friends and family touch our lives. Events and occurrences meld and shape the journey. Talking Heads said something like, how can you know where your going if you don't know where you've been. Looking out we can see where we have been. Knowing where we are going is the difficult part. Acceptance of those things to come.

Making a decision. It effects us and all things we do and the paths we will take in the future. I figure that with prayer, knowledge, contemplation, discussion, counsel, little haste, the decisions we make are right. They are correct. It is okay to decide. The horns the left, the right or get run over by the bull.