I keep going back to,  you will have me back if I change but what if this is the real me? 

tyranny

I read a post how wearing a mask or excuse me being forced to wear a mask is tyranny from the government. In an earlier post the same person was talking about the black lives matter movement and how it was not right. It got me to thinking tyranny opression from the government is exactly what the black lives movement is fighting against. The cognitive dissonance is deafening.

There and back again

I am wondering if maybe the buddha had it wrong. Seeking to be free of desire and attachment. It seems to make living in the world and being with others a difficult task. 

gone girl

the other night i was planning my disappearance. it was coming along well until i realized it was just gone girl

Owning a dog

I do not want to have a dog. I take that back, it would be great to have a dog. Just not everything that goes along with having a dog. They die, they get given away, they run away... all of those things. To love something knowing it is going to get gone at some point seems self destructive. 

Realized a couple of nights ago having a partner is the same thing. There is great love but you know it is going to end so all along the way protective barriers are erected in order to protect the self from the enveitalbe. 

but then but putting up the security, putting on the armor, causes the pain.

sasquatch

yesterday at the Sasquatch, there were two children at the table waiting for snow cones. The young man was playing with the umbrella, raising and lowering it and spinning it around. They young lady was asking him for a turn to play. He continued to antagonize her by turning the umbrella not letting her have a turn. She got madder and madder and stood on top of the table and started kicking the boy as he violently shook the umbrella.
At this point I raised my voice and said "I am going to ask you two to stop playing like that. You need to stop that behavior". They did stop.
The mother was about three feet away from the table waiting for the snow cones. She was very upset that I would discipline her children in this way. That they had special needs. She said she would have paid for the umbrella if they would have broken it. I did not have a right to intervene in the situation.
I do feel like it is my duty to try to intervene in behaviors of others that is not appropriate. We have a social contract on behavior. It takes a village is one of the sayings that was very popular not long ago.

time and space

Time and space are. Everything happens all at once. 

Wondering if those visits we get seeing someone in the pariffery, angels, spirit, 

Those are us. When we remember when we cast back. We are there. We return to that place and our presence becomes known. Do we provide a nudge, change an decision or outcome, bring comfort in moment.

Dad

Mom called last night. They went to the doctor last week as my dad was feeling low energy. His blood pressure was low so they adjusted some medication. They went to the heart doctor on Monday and his injection projection is low, around 25 whereas 50 is normal. About 25 years ago he had cardio myopithi. At the time there was nothing much that could be done. A new experimental pacemaker was in development, a biventenicular device. He had it installed and made good recovery. My friend Billy always tells the story about going to the hospital and visiting back then. They gave him six months at that time. Billy tells it better.
So we will have to see what happens. There is a new medication that is supposed to help.

Retirement Planning

It is difficult to forsee the future. I think that is one of the things that holds me back a bit. What is the future going to look like? Who knows. Writing this now to get down and share my thoughts and plan.

I have been saving in earnest towards retirement for a while, maybe the past ten years. At 52, it is not a very long while to have been saving for retirement. I did have a IRA account through my school but rules changed and I could no longer contribute to that account so it has sat dormant since. I was not happy with the high percentage cost IRA's they offered after that so stopped contributions in that way. I do have a pension through the teachers retirement system. It is a good program if one continues to teach for the full thirty years on the rule of 90. Retiring from teaching after twenty years, not so much. 

I read a bit. The Mr. Money Mustache , I just found Get Rich Slowly, The Dave Ramsey fellow. It is all a bit overwhelming and too much. Today, I found a good article on $1000 a month in retirement, basically it is necessary to have $240,000 in an account earning at least 5% return in order to pull out $1000 a month. For every $1000 a month desired, one needs $240,000 in a "retirement" account.

In many ways retirement wise I am fortunate. I am basically single with no children. I have a good job that pays slightly less than the median household income in Oklahoma. I bought a house about 10 years ago in a rough part of town for abut $50,000 and got it paid off. My truck has 250,000 miles on it. Dining out is my biggest expense. Things are changing in my girlfriend just got a new house. We will be fixing it up and using the current house as a short term rental or an AirB&B.

I have a glass studio that breaks even on expenses and earnings each year. I do pay myself $1000 a month from the studio and put $800 (with a $24 match) a month into a Vanguard Simple IRA account. I do have a CPA for taxes and keeping everything in good order from a legal standpoint.

I have several savings accounts earmarked for purpose. I have an HSBC travel account. This account is funding through a couple of modest oil royalty checks from wells my father has given my brother and me.  The HSBC card can be used outside of the US without fees. We have been to Tulum Mexico a couple of times and it is a great place to visit. I opened the HSBC account with Tulum in mind as they have a branch so getting cash is easy. I have a summer travel account that pulls automatically from checking every month. I have a house and truck savings accounts where I funnel left over funds from checking at the end of each month. I did open a Money Market Mutual Fund account with the truck fund and put money in each month as if I were making a payment on a new vehicle so I am saving now for a new truck. It is not really recommended to save for short term in a fund like that but with so little interest paid on a standard bank account or even a CD it is a risk I was willing to take.

So with all of that as to where I am. I plan on teaching for at least eight more years to make it to 30 years teaching and retirement. I am unsure of health insurance at this point but I expect to be able to maintain membership in the health system provided by the state for teachers. I have a lot of little bits of saving in retirement accounts which should add up to a little bit of supplemental income in the future. It really seems okay but is a constant fear. I think more people fear over a zombie apocalypse then they fear over saving enough for retirement and they are probably hoping for the zombie apocalypse because they do not have anything saved for retirement.

There are lots of people out there who are experienced in the ways of retirement. Folks who are experts with advice. What is the best approach? Read and read some more. Talk to folks, meet with financial planners. I have a difficult time giving money to someone for taking care of my retirement. I met with a group a few years ago and they wanted me to transfer all of my accounts into their plan and they would take care of everything for a fee. I could not see a benefit. I met with my local recommended financial adviser to get an idea of if I am going in the right direction. Things look good but yes, they want me to move my accounts over to their program and they can get a percentage of my investments. I think a good financial planner would be one willing to work together to provide the best direction. Sign posts and goals to follow, not charging a toll every year or quarter. I think that is about it. If this helps you in anyway let me know.

Curry Noodle Soup

https://docs.google.com/presentation/d/e/2PACX-1vQN6utAdmaHnGjFqNbjGSANI7-H4bjqxeKrLAVmRB3v7lWKjhm_uTN0umtPhZEPqTPqQ_cX6DpFWa-t/pub?start=false&loop=false&delayms=3000&slide=id.p

https://docs.google.com/presentation/d/1gxuILX1LAdXh6kbF_dKLSBqWlfnDl4iVNHuA23P9yYs/edit?usp=sharing

Recipe for Curry Noodle Soup

Expenditures

I have been looking at my finances again. Wondering if I am doing the right things and if I am on the right track.
It is difficult to know where to start and if the 10,000 foot view is enough. I remain confused most of the time and reading from others I wonder sometimes. Many of the saving money blogs repeat the same information and appear to do very well. Making money doing what they love. Traveling. Residual income. Where do I fit into all of this?
Goals -
Daily Living -
Hopes and Dreams -
Fears -

seriously in the blogging field. Why would anyone want to read read what I have to say, and then why would anyone give me money for doing it too? And then how much work is it to keep it going?
Look at my blogging progress to start. I used to blog a lot. Then just stopped. Now just now and again. Wondering about my voice, authentic voice.

Goals -
8 more years of teaching to reach retirement. With the teacher retirement system it is really necessary to get in 30 years. The difference in monthly pension is huge between 20 years ($700 a month) and 30 years ($2300 a month).
The studio - it is good. It is difficult to project into the future with the studio. Many factors contribute to the whole success of the studio. It is in a good place and is still fulfilling.

Daily Living - the monotony of daily life continues for everyone. Cook, Clean, eat, sleep, work, play, exercise, Balance.

Hopes and Dreams - A lot of what if's.

Fears - many are not founded in experience or reality.

Take stock of the whole gets to be overwhelming.

What am I going to do today in order to make the dream for tomorrow possible?