loneliness

What lesson in loneliness? 

I wonder if Mara was lonely even when we were together. I led a life that made her alone. 

What do I have to learn?

No distractions from myself. And yet I still will not look within to the problem. 

operation meyham

So in looking at the news today with the antifa group being arrested in Portland by militarized agents input into unmarked cars what if they're doing that to themselves they're having them among themselves gathered up for the conspiracy part but it sure does feel a lot like operation mayhem has commenced and the fight club boys are going wild it's a strange sing the world in which we live

relationship

So relationship out of what drive Fidelity righteousness what what is the right thing to do do I wait find out what is the relationship for Maura and I and then waiting just be

Or is this time this not knowing do I just go out and seek and do and find and misbehave I don't know what the right word for would be because this is not a separation of my choosing but that's not right either because I brought about that separation through my actions laid the groundwork for that separation and lack of emotional availability lack of intimacy lack of trust fear so we haven't spoken as to fly north what we are I still feel a respect until the respect the respect that I have for the relationship and for her needs to be honored and accepted within me then I can decide which I would like to do how do I want to be and until we figure out what we are of course that's can change and mutable Italy right now is right now so that's it

easy wind

Swinging that shiny black steel Jack Hammer. 

Breaking up rocks for the great highway. 

Live five years if I take my time ballin that Jack and drinking that wine.

In the essence of suffering our daily existence what we experience as a human all those traits and wave being the word for it. So are suffering

So the great highway I'm drawn to that archway through which we pass a free man but there's another passage that talks about a highway the the rocks that's our wall and we're given spiritual tools to break down those walls that spiritual tool is that shiny black steel jackhammer

I keep going back to,  you will have me back if I change but what if this is the real me? 

tyranny

I read a post how wearing a mask or excuse me being forced to wear a mask is tyranny from the government. In an earlier post the same person was talking about the black lives matter movement and how it was not right. It got me to thinking tyranny opression from the government is exactly what the black lives movement is fighting against. The cognitive dissonance is deafening.

There and back again

I am wondering if maybe the buddha had it wrong. Seeking to be free of desire and attachment. It seems to make living in the world and being with others a difficult task. 

gone girl

the other night i was planning my disappearance. it was coming along well until i realized it was just gone girl

Owning a dog

I do not want to have a dog. I take that back, it would be great to have a dog. Just not everything that goes along with having a dog. They die, they get given away, they run away... all of those things. To love something knowing it is going to get gone at some point seems self destructive. 

Realized a couple of nights ago having a partner is the same thing. There is great love but you know it is going to end so all along the way protective barriers are erected in order to protect the self from the enveitalbe. 

but then but putting up the security, putting on the armor, causes the pain.

sasquatch

yesterday at the Sasquatch, there were two children at the table waiting for snow cones. The young man was playing with the umbrella, raising and lowering it and spinning it around. They young lady was asking him for a turn to play. He continued to antagonize her by turning the umbrella not letting her have a turn. She got madder and madder and stood on top of the table and started kicking the boy as he violently shook the umbrella.
At this point I raised my voice and said "I am going to ask you two to stop playing like that. You need to stop that behavior". They did stop.
The mother was about three feet away from the table waiting for the snow cones. She was very upset that I would discipline her children in this way. That they had special needs. She said she would have paid for the umbrella if they would have broken it. I did not have a right to intervene in the situation.
I do feel like it is my duty to try to intervene in behaviors of others that is not appropriate. We have a social contract on behavior. It takes a village is one of the sayings that was very popular not long ago.

time and space

Time and space are. Everything happens all at once. 

Wondering if those visits we get seeing someone in the pariffery, angels, spirit, 

Those are us. When we remember when we cast back. We are there. We return to that place and our presence becomes known. Do we provide a nudge, change an decision or outcome, bring comfort in moment.