Intamacy

 So I am wondering what it is that makes me think that I am only loved when someone has sex with me. 

That is to say. I want to have sex with someone. I know that it would be a bad idea. And yet I pursue the relationship if only in my mind. Obsess over it. Ponder it. Try to manipulate any situation into leading into the bedroom. 

Why in trying to be honorable and not have sex with mara and to manipulate the situation and it would not be a good idea to have sex. Where might that lead or give her or me hope for something more. And so it is known it would be a bad idea and yet I am so offended that she does not invite me into the bedroom.